‘The Righteous Gemstones:’ The Funniest Thing Each Main Character Has Done

The Righteous Gemstones, one of HBO’s all-time best series, is back with its fourth and final season. Created by the talented Danny McBride, the satirical comedy follows the Gemstones, a globally recognized televangelist family who have accumulated their vast fortune through their megachurch and productions therein. Legendary actor John Goodman plays the family patriarch, Eli Gemstone. McBride stars as Jesse, the eldest of the three dim-witted siblings, which also include Judy (Edi Patterson) and Kelvin (Adam DeVine). The internet’s latest favorite man crush, Walton Goggins, plays their Uncle Baby Billy Freeman.

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The show’s characters are flawed and, as would be expected from anyone in the megachurch and televangelist business, greedy, deceitful, selfish, and hypocritical. As much as they may lack a strong set of ethics, viewers can’t help but love them thanks to the parody and hilarity their respective actors inject into them. With shenanigans to spare, these are the funniest things each Gemstone and those closest to them have done.

10

Eli Gemstone: Injures Himself While Manscaping

(Season 2, Episode 3 – “For He Is a Liar and the Father of Lies”)

When Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin find journalist Thaniel Block (Jason Schwartzman) dead, they suspect it was their father who killed him. The siblings become more convinced it was him after stumbling upon Eli with blood on his pants, especially with his shady excuse that he got the stain while supposedly moving a dead deer off the road. After reading Eli’s texts with Martin (Gregory Alan Williams), they’re sure he’s hiding something.

Be Careful Down There

When they corner him, they don’t get the confession they expected. The “mess” Martin helped Eli with was a result of a drunken night with Junior (Eric Roberts), which ended with Eli going home with a ladyfriend for a nightcap. Before enjoying some hot tub time, he tried to do a little manscaping, only to wind up cutting his nether regions. A hilarious flashback shows how it happened as Eli recounts the story. The situation is only made funnier by the fact that the siblings are more disgusted by the fact that their dad would date again after their mother than they were at the possibility of him being a killer.

9

Jesse Gemstone: Comes Clean in the Family Home Theater

(Season 1, Episode 8 – “But the Righteous Will See Their Fall”)

Season 1’s biggest plotline was Jesse being blackmailed with the tape that showed him and his crew getting down and dirty in Atlanta. After Scotty (Neil Kandy) traps him and Gideon (Skyler Gisondo) in the vault and escapes with over 2 million dollars, Gideon comes clean about originally being in on the scheme. However, he doesn’t sell out his father, even when he’s kicked out of the family home.

Family Movie Night

Weighed down by guilt, Jesse gathers his friends and their wives (even a couple of kids with no sitter end up being there) and comes clean. Throwing his buddies under the bus wasn’t necessary, but alas. In one of the show’s most outrageous moments, he screens the video in the family home theater, where all the women watch their husbands doing drugs and hanging out with sex workers. This is one of the instances in which The Righteous Gemstones masterfully imbues humor into an otherwise serious moment. It’s made even more hilarious by the sight of a not-so-well-endowed naked Chad (James DuMont) on the screen, who defends himself by saying, “That ain’t Daddy, that’s CGI, baby.”

8

Judy Gemstone: Delivers an Unhinged Monologue at Outback

(Season 1, Episode 9 – “Better Is the End of a Thing Than Its Beginning”)

Tired of being taken for granted by Judy, BJ (Tim Baltz) breaks up with her. After an unsuccessful attempt at winning him back ends with her destroying the supermarket optometrist center where he works, it seems as though things are over for good. Insisting they meet at Outback, what she calls a “neutral” location, she gives BJ back his belongings in a pink velvet tote bag and opens up to him in a way she never has before.

Judy Finally Lets BJ In

It’s a powerful, emotional moment for both characters, yet so wildly ridiculous. She relates the story of her first and only relationship before him. Deadly serious, she tells him about the flip-flop-wearing 56-year-old college professor who made her leave “snail trails” in her chair. In her mind, they were “boyfriends and girlfriends.” As she casually recounts how she sexually assaulted him, stalked him, kidnapped his son, and got a restraining order put on her, heartfelt music swells in the background. Judy is being vulnerable and explaining why she isn’t good at relationships, but it’s pure comedy gold.

7

Kelvin Gemstone: Goes Goth

(Season 1, Episode 9 – “Better Is the End of a Thing Than Its Beginning”)

After all the misdeeds he and his siblings got into throughout Season 1, Kelvin has a breakdown, realizing that his family is now who they say they are. In the eighth episode, he rhetorically asks Keefe, “How can I rid the world of darkness when I live amidst so much of it?” Believing himself no longer fit to lead him, he kicks Keefe out of the house.

A New Dark Path

In the season finale, he struggles with a ridiculous internal crisis, worried that he may not actually be the son of God. Yes, the man actually believed himself to be Jesus Christ. Convinced that he’s Satan, he undergoes a dark transformation in “Adam Lambert cosplay,” and formally resigns from the youth group in front of all the youngsters. Audiences can’t help but belly laugh, even knowing that Kelvin is in deep pain. The scene ends with him knocking over the microphone, his black leather pants loudly squeaking as he walks away.

6

Amber Gemstone: Shoots Jesse in the Butt

(Season 1, Episode 8 – “But the Righteous Will See Their Fall”)

Normally, Amber (Cassidy Freeman) is a composed and polished woman. It’s rare to see her lose her cool or act anything other than the epitome of a “proper Christian woman.” After Jesse plays the tape, viewers finally get to see Amber bring out her claws, all while aptly wearing a leopard dress. She’s understandably furious — Jesse lied to her, allowed her to kick Gideon out, disrespected her, and humiliated her in front of all of their friends.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

The woman rages, as she should, breaking things around the home and throwing them at Jesse as she screams at him. Jesse has the audacity to tell her to grow up, which earns him what comes next. Calmly, she takes a rifle out, sending Jesse sprinting out the door. She aims and, like a pro, she shoots, hitting him right in the butt. “She shut my butthole,” yells Jesse as he writhes in the grass.

5

BJ Barnes: Makes a Fashion Statement at His Baptism Party

(Season 2, Episode 4 – “As to How They Might Destroy Him”)

In the fourth episode of the second season, BJ is finally achieving what he has wanted most, to be a true part of the Gemstone family. Even after marrying Judy, he still didn’t feel like he truly belonged. Jesse and Kelvin continued to give him a hard time, and no member of the clan took him seriously. Becoming baptized seemed like what would finally make it official.

A Grown Man in a “Onesie”

Even though he’s never been a true believer, he does it to be one of them and to make Judy happy. She, of course, goes over the top with the event, disappointing Eli with the sham. BJ couldn’t be more excited to be indoctrinated and have a day be all about him. After the ceremony, he walks into the reception wearing an outrageous pink velvet romper with a matching cummerbund. He seriously thinks he looks like hot stuff, and cannot believe his sister thought it was a joke, causing him to lose his temper and throw cake at her, which unfortunately lands on Eli.

4

Keefe Chambers: Performs a Fire Dance

(Season 3, Episode 3 – “For Their Nakedness Is Your Own Nakedness”)

Tony Cavalero is a true gem. The actor impeccably plays the awkward and soft-spoken Keefe Chambers, who’s undoubtedly one of the most underrated characters in The Righteous Gemstones. With comical lines like “I slept in your room one night but it felt odd, so I slept the rest of the time here on the couch with no top sheet,” and “When I was a teen boy, I danced nude in one of the cages near the DJ. A dark chapter I’ve put behind me,” he’s funniest when he’s being his most serious.

Just Dance

The former Satanist’s most hilarious moment is when the Gemstone and Montgomery families gather for “Cousins Night.” Tensions are heavy in the air, with each clan resenting and judging each other from afar. It isn’t until Keefe performs an intricate fire dance routine in a ridiculous get-up that the temperature dips a bit. Kelvin watches the outrageous spectacle in pride and admiration. Everyone else is shocked and confused. Keefe couldn’t be more dedicated and serious about his craft in what’s a rather hilarious, unhinged moment for the audience.

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3

Baby Billy Freeman: Tips Over His Health Elixir Trailer

(Season 2, Episode 7 – “And Infants Shall Rule Over Them”)

Baby Billy repeats the mistakes of his past, freaking out during BJ’s baptism and leaving his young and very pregnant wife high and dry. After being abandoned by her husband, Tiffany (Valyn Hall) is taken in by BJ and Judy, much to the latter’s dismay. With her older nephew and niece’s help, she’s able to track down the con man, who’s doing as he does and hustling. His latest endeavor is selling a “health elixir.” The trio waits for him as he exits a studio where he’s recording an infomercial.

Deadbeat Dad

In typical Baby Billy fashion, he hides behind a trailer with his giant face plastered on it, denying that it’s him. With no other option but to face them, he turns the tables on Tiffany, saying he’s trying to make a living for them, and admonishing her for not trusting him and questioning his character. He runs to his car in a fit of self-righteousness, peeling out of the parking lot, sending his trailer tipping over. All the boxes of health elixir are shattered on the concrete, injecting a tragic moment with unbelievable amounts of comedy.

2

Tiffany Freeman: Gives Birth in a Porta Potty

(Season 2, Episode 9 – “I Will Tell of All Your Deeds”)

The Season 2 finale brings the moment Jesse has been waiting for all season, the groundbreaking of Zion’s Landing. The whole family is in attendance, even Baby Billy shows up looking for his wife, ready to apologize and do the right thing. As he pleads with her to take him back, Judy steps in and gives her uncle a piece of her mind, defending Tiffany and her honor. The pregnant woman is visibly torn, and excuses herself, running to the bathroom.

Like Mother, Like Son

As Keefe and Joe Jonas politely go back and forth between letting the other one go in first, Tiffany barges into the porta potty. Her water breaks, and history repeats itself. Her child is born just as she was, falling into the toilet. Baby Billy finally redeems himself in that comical moment, jumping in to rescue the baby from all the filth. Proudly holding up his blue chemical-covered son, he proclaims, “You’s a toilet baby!”

1

Aimee-Leigh Gemstone: Is Resurrected as a Hologram

(Season 3, Episode 6 – “For Out of the Heart Comes Evil Thoughts”)

Baby Billy doesn’t know how to ever give it a rest. After his first pitch is shot down by the Gemstones siblings, he continues working with Jesse to address the loss of attendance in the church. He manipulates his nephew into making him think that using a hologram of the late Aimee-Leigh (Jennifer Nettles) is a good idea. Amber tries talking sense into Jesse, but he dismisses it, eager to rise to number one.

A Man Should Always Listen to His Wife

His wife is proven right. When they pitch the idea to Eli and the rest of the clan, it ends up catastrophically disastrous. Eli is rightfully disgusted at his Aimee-Leigh’s memory being exploited and yells at them to shut off the hologram machine, but the projector won’t budge. Angry, Eli and everyone else in the room kick and smash the machine, which just splices DMX’s image and his song “Party Up (Up In Here)” in between Aimee-Leigh and her singing. Once again, a serious moment turns into pure comedy. To top it off, Baby Billy remarks he was renting the machine from a vendor.