Tainted by the news that the expected Barcelona capacity increase to 62k may be under threat

Funny old evening this.

At one point during an extended half-time break, it occurred to me that this was the most I’d ever paid for a single game at St James’ Park, and as a spectacle it was a bit like a mid-season friendly.

Everything about tonight was one of those instances where balance was needed. The tie was dead and there was no point in risking any damage to players who have a hell of a job on in the demanding weeks and months ahead.

There was still a sense of pride to protect and a match to be navigated though, and Howe possibly over-respected this as Trippier, Burn, Tonali, Barnes and Woltemade all featured in a team that did have a degree of experimentation, including a first start for Alex Murphy.

If you were the sort of rampant pessimist who allowed any lingering doubts about progress to fester, the first few minutes will have been a welcome settler. Tonali drove at the Qarabag defence with malicious intent and his run broke for Burn to get a shot off. Pinball ensued as this effort was deflected to Barnes, who crossed for Osula to head straight at the keeper, then Tonali to finish what he started by knocking in the rebound. So 7-1 on aggregate, a score that brings back memories.

Sandro had taken four minutes to give us the lead on the night and it only took another two to double it. Woltemade harried possession back in the Qarabag half then slid in Barnes down the left, who produced a fantastic dipping cross for Joelinton to meet at the back post on the volley. So that’s 2-0 on the night and 8-1 on aggregate. My mate Simon repeatedly said “I think we might be through here you know!” at this point and everyone around him cracked up, only silently and to themselves.

This was heading one of two ways. Either a cricket score of stunning, record breaking proportions was incoming, or United would take their foot off the gas and think about conservation for the matches ahead. Unfortunately for fans of absolute footballing bloodbaths, it was to be emphatically the latter.

My memories of the first half are as follows: a wicked little flick from Woltemade sent Murphy in, only for him to mess up assist of the tournament by belting it wide. The game then took on such a pre-season feel that I decided to become the person I detest under normal circumstances and sneak off for a beer on 42 minutes.

The second half was odd in a different way. I was annoyed that Eddie didn’t start resting people from the break, and this became even less likely five minutes in as Qarabag only went and scored, the cheeky flipping upstarts! Decent effort from Duran who outpaced Burn before firing inside Ramsdale’s near post. The goal was met with sportsmanlike applause from the home stands, but there was an undercurrent of fear that we’d look a bit rubbish if we didn’t win the game on the night.

Said fear was alleviated two minutes later with a bit of a collectors item, as United scored your textbook, route one, header from a corner goal. Trippier’s delivery was thumped in with thunderous aplomb by Botman and that would surely be enough to secure whatever arbitrary package of cash you get for winning a Champions League play off leg. I bet there is one, cos there’s € attached to every single strand of this tournament.

Apparently we’re not allowed a Champions League game without a dubious handball penalty somewhere these days though. Burn was sliding to intercept a cross when it hit his steadying arm, which was far further out from his body than the decision that went our way last week. These are nailed on in the CL. I felt for Ramsdale, whose save from Jankovic was actually a tremendous penalty stop, only for their bloke to be quickest to the rebound and sneak it in for 3-2. This might be a bit tight you know, the mackems would see absolutely no irony in taking the kick out of us drawing a return leg of a Champions League knock out tie we’d won comfortably.

This was avoided, thankfully, as the substitutions took effect and legs were spared for Everton. Wissa came on for some exercise it looked like he needed and Leo Shahar got a brief taste of first team football, replacing Trippier and executing the exact sequence of safe, unadventurous passes I would select if I suddenly and unexpectedly got chucked on for Newcastle. In the stands my little lad fell asleep on my knee and discussions were had about the best route to Barcelona, slightly tainted by the news that their expected capacity increase to 62k may be under threat ahead of our mooted second leg, and the expectation we’ll likely get lumbered with Chelsea anyway.

Qarabag have been a bit of harmless fun and I’m sure a couple of wins off them will be useful for the coefficient moving forward. Look no further than Inter’s abrupt exit for proof that the play off round cannot be taken for granted. I hope they enjoyed their trip here, as there was a solid representation of a few hundred Azerbaijanis both in level 7 and about the town beforehand. I bet they’re a bit of a recurring theme across European competitions in the years ahead.

I think the squad management was fairly good in the end, as all who needed time out were given some respite with the exception of Tonali, who looked happy with the rightful award of the little silver man of the match trophy.

A useful and morale-boosting exercise, brace yourselves for another withdrawal of next round ticket money. Now, is this the way to Barcelona?

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