A sobering start to United’s preseason friendlies saw Celtic hammer Newcastle 4-0 at Parkhead on a wet and warm July afternoon. Goals from Engels (pen), Kenny, Yang and Scales saw the Bhoys home at a canter as Newcastle toiled away after a positive opening twenty minutes but came away with nothing to show for their efforts.
Here are our five key takeaways from Saturday’s game:
1. Pace at the back
Spoiler: we don’t have any. Celtic’s second goal (obvious Pope howler aside) comes from one straight long pass from the keeper over the CB’s, and with Trippier deep and playing everyone onside, Botman and Schar are too slow to recover.
Pope drops a clanger, (but it’s better he gets them out of the way in a meaningless friendly, compared to a pivotal Champions League game), and should do better, but the recovery pace from the central defenders is non-existent. It’s such a massive flaw in our game and for all that Schar and Botman are gifted footballers who can ping a pass and make a well-timed tackle, they are so slow.
If this level of exposure was exploited by a Celtic side that some would argue would struggle in England’s Championship, then God only knows what Premier League sides and top Champions League sides will do. After this debacle, signing a pacey centre-back isn’t just a priority; it’s a desperate plea.
2. Who needs Trafford? We do
Nick Pope auditioning for ‘Goalkeeping Gaffes: The Preseason Edition’ was not on my preseason bingo card, but that’s exactly what happened on Saturday as the former England man tried his best to replicate his mistake from the pre-cup final 2023, only this time his timing was all off and he missed the ball completely.
I’ll repeat myself and say it’s better for Pope to do these things in meaningless games, as Saturday was, but he was also terrible with the ball at his feet (shock, I know), yet our centre-backs kept giving it to him as we seemed determined to build up from the back. If that’s how you want to play out from the back, then it’s fine by me – but you need the personnel to do it whether that’s Trafford or some else.
Pope is a wonderful shot-stopper; if we go into the season with him as number one, he will win us points this season with excellent saves in a backs-to-the-wall performance, but if we insist on playing like we did on Saturday (and Dubravka wasn’t much better in the second half, to be fair), then Pope will cost us points. This feels like a huge couple of weeks for United’s goalkeeping situation.
3. Gaping midfields gaps
Newcastle’s midfield was like a ghost town, haunted by the echoes of passes gone awry. They offered as much resistance as a wet paper bag in a rainstorm, allowing Celtic to skip through basically unchallenged.
Bruno looked up for the fight in the first 20 minutes, snapping into tackles, winning the ball back and passing well, but his compatriots Miley and Willock were ghosts. Miley, for a kid who just this week was linked with a move to Palace because he’s worried about first-team opportunities, stunk Celtic Park out. He was slow, often caught in possession, and despite some neat touches here and there, moves often broke down when they went through him.
Joe Willock is a man imitating a ghost, imitating a shadow of the player he used to be. About as useful as a wet fart against Celtic, the lads’ confidence looks shot to pieces. On a display like Saturday’s, I’d rather have kept Longstaff at the club.
4. Racism in the away end
This (obviously) brings me no pleasure to write, but there was some appalling racist language used by supporters in the away end on Saturday. I clearly can’t write what the Neanderthals said on here, but it was completely unacceptable, and without a steward or copper in sight, it was impossible to report on the day.
I was embarrassed by some of the behaviour of our fans on Saturday. I’ve reported the individuals to the club, and hopefully, they will receive long (hopefully lifelong) banning orders as it’s just not on. We have many different nationalities and religions in our squad, yet you think it’s okay to direct that sort of language at the Celtic players? Morons, the whole contemptible lot of you, and if you had a brain cell amongst you, you should feel shame, and it’s not banter in the slightest.
Also, give the IRA chants a rest lads – it’s perfectly okay for others to have different religious beliefs than you.
5. Elanga, youngsters and Lascelles
Given the game state, Elanga was pretty much a non-event. The Swede had one tame shot late on and showed decent touches here and there, but he wasn’t really in the game. Sean Neave looked okay and probably should’ve scored when he came on but he drew a good save out of the Celtic keeper.
Alex Murphy was the best of the youngsters as he looked unflustered on the ball and used his strength well, but he was caught too far up the field when we were out of possession, as he looked naive with his positioning. Joe White looked like a lad who has never really played above League Two level. He tried, but was often caught in possession too by being too slow on the ball.
Travis Hernes, wearing number 45, looked the best out of the youngsters. He was composed and read the game well, one lax instance of pressing aside, and I would like to see more of him in midfield this pre-season, perhaps alongside first choices like Tonali and Bruno, who could coach him through a game.
Jamal Lascelles unfortunately looked like a player who hadn’t played football in nigh-on two years. Another who was slow, and he was caught in possession by a Celtic attacker in a very dangerous position that could’ve led to a goal. He needs more game time before we can really judge him, but was he ever meant to be more than back-up moving forward.
Ultimately, the game was a meaningless friendly, but losing always hurts, especially in the manner we did on Saturday afternoon. If Newcastle’s plan was to lull opponents into a false sense of security, then mission accomplished. But there will have to be a marked improvement against Arsenal on Sunday.
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