John Cena Is Great in ‘Peacemaker,’ but ‘Tour de Pharmacy’ Is His Best Work

For someone so invisible, John Cena has an acting career almost as vast and legendary as his wrestling career. He has been making more waves than ever recently as the star of James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad spin-off, Peacemaker. In the titular role, Cena shines as a nuanced, muscly mercenary, with quite a bit of comedic flair. However, arguably Cena’s funniest role was in a movie that hardly anyone remembers.

Jake Szymanski’s Tour de Pharmacy is a 2017 mockumentary that parodies the world of competitive cycling and doping. It is a follow-up to 7 Days of Hell, a Wimbledon mockumentary by the same creative team. The sports film stars more hilarious people than we can count — Andy Samberg, Nathan Fielder, Maya Rudolph, Daveed Diggs, Jeff Goldblum, and yes, John Cena, to name a few — with only a 40-minute runtime. Here’s why you should check out the woefully underrated Tour de Pharmacy on HBO Max, especially if you’ve been needing your Cena fix since Peacemaker Season 2.

‘Tour de Pharmacy’: The Funniest “Movie” You Haven’t Seen

Tour de Pharmacy tells the story of the 1982 Tour de France. It begins well underway with an exciting group of international racers. That is, until frontrunner Italian Juju Peppe (Orlando Bloom) causes the entire race to crash and pile up on day one. The ensuing postponement gives the local police time to discover that many of the athletes, including Peppe, are using narcotics to stimulate their performance. In fact, all but five of the cyclists have bribed UCI President Ditmer Kierken (Kevin Bacon) to get out of drug testing.

While it seems pretty clear that even the five cyclists who have not bribed Kierken are doping, the UCI determines that they will let only those five athletes compete. They include: “Nigerian” cyclist Marty Hass (Andy Samberg), who is a disgrace to his country; the nephew of Jackie Robinson, Slim Robinson (Daveed Diggs), who is determined to become the “first Black cyclist” to win the Tour; French cyclist Adrian Baton, who is actually Adrianna Baton in disguise, aiming to break gender barriers in cycling (played by Freddie Highmore and Julia Ormond); and, last but not least, Gustav Ditters (John Cena), an Austrian Cyclist who is just absolutely roided up out of his mind. The five of them race to see who will triumph and win the title.

Since this is a mockumentary, most of Tour de Pharmacy consists of hilarious testimonials to the camera. Seeing as the “race” of interest was in 1982, it is treated as a historical event, and we are treated to “older” versions of each of the aforementioned racers, played by different actors. Jeff Goldblum plays an older Andy Samberg, Danny Glover plays an older Daveed Diggs, and Dolph Lundgren plays an older Gustav Ditters. It is sheer delight.

There are many other uproarious supporting characters that appear in this interview format as well, including Maya Rudolph as the editor-in-chief of “Cycling Enthusiast Magazine,” Nathan Fielder as the head of the “World Anti-Doping Agency,” and James Marsden as the BBC field reporter. Even real professional athletes, like Lance Armstrong, make a cameo. The rest of the appearances in Tour de Pharmacy (and yes, there are more) are not worth spoiling, but should definitely be seen to be believed.

John Cena as Gustav Ditters in ‘Tour de Pharmacy’

HBO Max

Despite there being dozens of professional comedians in Tour de Pharmacy, Cena’s performance as Gustav Ditters arguably steals the show. Donning a fake-looking blonde wig and outrageously huge biceps, Ditters repeatedly yells “F*ck you!” at every question reporters or anyone asks him. They ask, “Do you go fast?” and he responds, “F*ck you!” It is so stupid that it is laugh-out-loud funny every single time. Even more riotous, Ditters refuses to admit he is obviously using steroids. As his older self in an interview, Ditters says, “Everyone was cheating. Everyone. Except for me.”

The absurd character is perfectly executed by Cena, making it a can-not-miss performance in the actor’s body of work. It is also ridiculously amusing to watch Cena ride a bicycle. Tour de Pharmacy is non-stop fun, absurd, and totally insane. Much of the film’s ridiculous humor is due to Cena. Though Cena’s performance occupies only a small part of the short film, it stands out as a highlight both within the movie and in his career. What can we say: He’s very gifted. It is unclear why Tour de Pharmacy generally faded into such obscurity over time, but we see it for the truly sidesplitting time it is, just like we see you, John Cena. Tour de Pharmacy and Peacemaker are now streaming on HBO Max.